It does not matter if you work or stay home with your kids, if you have one kid or six, being a parent is not something one would consider an easy job. Although rewarding, the hours are long, the work is unpaid and there is no ‘standard operating procedure’ to follow. However, you will get an abundance of unsolicited advice from very well-intending friends and family. Here are a few of the tips I received that I was better off ignoring. (and a bonus gallery of pics just for fun!)
1. Let your baby cry. – When a baby cries, it is trying to communicate… It could be a number of things, pain, hunger, fear, distress, sadness, over-stimulation. Your response to your crying baby begins the building of trust between you and your child.
2. Don’t hold your baby too much. – In the same vain, babies cannot be held, loved on, snuggled too much! They are made to be held and carried. The idea that a child is spoiled because it gets too much affection? Ridiculous! The more love you show your child, the more faith they have in that relationship. If you leave them to ‘tough it out’, they are more likely to have separation anxiety.
3. Don’t let your kids have sweets. – If you withhold sweets, you are beginning an unhealthy relationship with food for your child. Dessert should not be a reward. Take the forbidden fruit aspect out of it and they will be less likely to overindulge or sneak around to get it.
4. Always make your kids clean their plates. – Again with the unhealthy relationship with food. They should stop eating when they are full. Remember, their stomach is the size of their fist.
5. Treat each kid the same. – It is very important to treat children as individuals and attend to them accordingly. Some kids need lots of one on one time, some need more space. This only gets more important the older they get. You can’t have the same expectations of each child and you cannot parent them the same either.
6. Make sure you stick to a strict routine. – A child with a strict routine has a harder time dealing with change. They need to learn how to adapt, aka go with the flow.
7. Stop acting “like a girl” (and other gender stereotypes). – Assuming your kid is destined to behave a certain way based on their gender sets them up for more identity issues down the road.. Strict definitions of gender, like certain colors or activities belonging to boys or girls, only promotes negative stereotypes that create biases and confusion. Pink is not just for girls and boys do cry.
8. Tell them it’s rude to not hug family members. - Forcing children to hug or kiss Uncle John when they clearly do not want to only sends the message that they don't get to say what goes when it comes to their bodies. They should never be forced to engage with anyone physically if they do not wish to. End of story.
9. Don't teach your kids about sex until they're ready to be sexually active. – Teaching kids about sex isn't going to make them sexually active. Start with biology and consent at young age to reduce the shame associated with sexuality and help them learn about boundaries. Add other topics as they ask or get older.
10. Sibling Rivalry is normal. - As parents, we have a hypocritical double standard. We condemn bullying among kids in school as abnormal while simultaneously accepting sibling rivalry at home as normal. You can, and should, teach your kids to play fair and respect each other.
Unfortunately, there is a lot of bad advice out there. Fortunately, you don't have to take all the advice you are given. Be confident, consult a pediatrician, or research parenting blogs. In the end, after all the advice you receive, you are the one who will make the decision because you know your child best.. Remember, what works for others may not work for you!
xoxo,
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