Empty Nest Syndrome is a phenomenon in which parents experience feelings of sadness and loss when the last child leaves home. For many single parents (like me), parenting becomes a primary source of identity. Once you are defined by your role as a parent and that is no longer your main focus, now what?
Although you might actively encourage your children to become independent (which I did), the experience of letting go can be painful. When children seem happy and independent, a sense of rejection over not being needed anymore may be experienced along with sadness. Empty nest syndrome often triggers feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and loneliness that can morph into depression.
This ‘loss of purpose’ feeling is typical for parents whose children recently left the nest; however, when a parent does not have a partner to seek support from, these emotions can feel overwhelming.
There’s no “right” way to feel after a child leaves home. Most parents waver between feelings of sadness and joy, loneliness and pride. Instead of worrying if these feelings are appropriate, parents should give themselves permission to explore their emotions as they transition into the next phase of their parenting lives.
Here are a few strategies to help single parents cope with the transition to an empty nest:
Balance your desire to check-in with your child's need for privacy. Together, create a plan for how you will stay connected. Maybe a weekly phone call or communicate frequently via text or email, Consider a weekly dinner date if your child lives nearby.
Find help from a support person. Other parents who have been there can help validate your feelings and offer coping mechanisms. As tempting as it my to discuss your feelings with your child (I mean you have been a team for the past 18+ years), avoid leaning on your child for support. This can harm the parent-child relationship and may actually intensify feelings of empty nest syndrome.
Take up a hobby – Find ways to fill your free time with habits that bring you joy. Go on a date, take a cooking class, go axe throwing… You deserve it!
Talking through your emotions with a therapist. Working with a therapist can help you understand your new role and cultivate a new sense of identity - The right therapist can also help you learn ways to help preserve your relationship with your child as they transition to greater independence.
Regardless of what you do to shift your focus from your newly empty nest, be sure to allow yourself to grieve what you’ve lost. Coming to terms with this new phase of life can be tough.
Don’t make big decisions while on this emotional roller coaster.
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